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But It Was the Hottest Item Sold at Online Clothing Boutiques at the Time

Posted: Jan 07 2016

Let’s be honest ladies, there is probably something in your wardrobe that is an embarrassment to you. It might be something that none of your friends particularly like, something that looks hideous on you or something that went out of style back when Friends was still a staple on NBC. But that’s ok, we can forgive you for that. After all, it was the hottest item sold at online clothing boutiques at the time.

But there are just some things no woman should ever wear. That is, unless you want a visit from Stacy London. So here is a short list of things you should never wear in public.

Mom Jeans- Nobody looks good in mom jeans, your mother doesn't even look good in them. Wearing mom jeans is like sporting a mullet, you are a joke waiting for the punchline. If you are having a hard time deciding what qualifies as mom jeans, follow this criterion:

  • They are made from super-soft denim
  • Generously cut around the waist
  • Extremely high waistband
  • Purchased at discount store

If your jeans fit these guidelines, dump them immediately.

Crocs- While Crocs make very comfortable shoes that cushion your every step, you should never wear them in public. Now, if you are a nurse or somebody who works all day on their feet, we can forgive you. But never show up to a social function or even Walmart with these on your feet.

Matching Sweaters- If you and your spouse have matching sweaters, take them to the trash. Matching outfits are cute on toddlers but stop dressing like the Doublemint twins when you hit puberty. Instead, opt for a wifey t-shirt for her and a hubby t-shirt for him, the perfect match.

Batteries- Any piece of clothing that requires a battery should never be worn. The only exception we will make are clothes that are heated through battery power, like socks or gloves. In very rare occasions, we might give the green light for a very festive Christmas sweater with blinking lights.

Trucker Hats- Trucker hats are not, and never will be, a fashion statement, so don’t you dare fork out $100 for one.

Utilize this list before you head out into the world.

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